Nothing screams “I am the party!” like the awesomeness that is the Third Gen Camaro.

Like a denim-clad God from the Planet Mulletonia, the Third Gen emerges from dark alleyways with a thunderous roar, the sleekest of bodies, and a drivetrain that makes more noise than actual horsepower.

Is it fast? Not really, which is perfect because when you look this good you want everyone to see the show and not miss the spectacle as you buzz the tower. The 5.0L V8 engine produces a measely 230 horsepower and breathes though a fake dual exhaust system so there’s no danger of you flying by so fast that everyone talks about an UFO and not your badass American hot rod. In fact, accoring to SCAM (Specialty Car Appreciation Media) those plastic ground effects offically make the Third Gen a Level 10 Ultimate Boss car aka the meanest looking of all Bush-Era muscle cars.

Did we talk about the wing yet? The fantastic plastic monstrosity lets everyone within a four-block radius know that if the Third Gen had any real power under the hood that this redirector of air might actually come in handy. In the meantime, the wing is perfectly suited for showin out ie holding on with both hands while skiiing around parking lots on fast food trays.

I’m not saying you should, I’m just saying you could and if you wore a Canadian Tuxedo while doin so then that would be even more badass. So yeah, the Third Gen is a vibe and that vibe has nothing to do with on-track performance; it’s all the performance that might send you to jail or the nearest emergency room while looking like Dollar General Thor. Sounds like my kinda party!