Sometimes when I climb into the carbon fiber bucket seat, push the Start button, and mash the gas pedal in my jet boat, I like to picture she and I rocketing out of an overturned cup of cold barley and hops like a unicorn blasting across the tastiest lake ever.

On warm summer nights when the smell of race fuel and sunblock hang in the air like perfume, we race for dollars and for trophies but mostly we race to the cooler.First Place or Last, as long as there are cold beverages waiting at the end we are all winners.

My one year anniversary of owning Side Chick, my 2016 Ralls Performance Machine Cheyenne jet boat is coming up quick. I’m gonna celebrate this momentous occasion by towing this carbon fiber water rocket to the world finals of drag boat racing and I’m showing up with a cooler full of beer and brand-new, super-soft FSM shirt.

I’ve attended far too many events in this boat without proper attire. Too many sunrises and sunsets have vanished into the ether without you and I showing our allegiance to the most unruly and unholy moisture missile ever conceived by mankind.

You asked for it and I deliver like Santa; Behold the first in a series of shirts dedicated to all my homies in Red Cup Racing—The Side Chick Shirt.