I had a dream to mob down the highway in the ultimate Chevy Square Body car hauler. The dream was so vivid, it felt real. The sun gleamed off the shiny chrome front bumper and the dual exhaust rumbled as my steed effortlessly climbed the tallest mountains and sped through green valleys across this great nation of ours.

I awoke from this dream covered in sweat because my new hauler broke down several times and nearly killed me as I rolled backwards down a two lane bridge in Kentucky as semis nearly rear-ended my ride. The 454ci V8 also only got 5.5 MPG. I had in fact purchased the World’s longest and most unreliable Chevy Square Body car hauler ever created.

Square Force 1 is 38 Feet long and has a 23ft long wheelbase. It’s a battleship on wheels that has proven supremely cool and just as unreliable. In fact, here’s a list of things that have unceremoniously died on the truck shortly after I purchased it and embarked on several cross-country road trips: The AC compressor locked up, both fuel tanks were rusted out, the winch froze the second time I turned it on, the factory mechanical fuel pump pushrod got stuck in the block, two electric fuel pumps got smoked, two tires have popped, the driveshaft u-joints shattered, every joint in the front suspension was worn out. The list goes on and on and yet I still love this six-wheel mechanical mayhem because I feel like I run the road whenever I’m behind that burgundy vinyl-wrapped steering wheel with the cassette deck eating tapes left and right. Hence the name Square Force 1.

If I ran the country, this is the ride I’d be cruising in while saving the world. Don’t bother suggesting I run for president. It won’t work, I got priors. Instead, show your support with a Square Force 1 t-shirt. They’re soft, durable and all proceeds will go directly into the fuel tank of the truck.