Nothing screams “I am the party!” like the awesomeness that is the Third Gen Camaro. Like a denim-clad God from the Planet Mulletonia, the Third Gen emerges from dark alleyways with a thunderous roar, the sleekest of bodies, and a drivetrain that makes more noise than actual horsepower.

Is it fast? Not really, which is perfect because when you look this good you want everyone to see the show and not miss the spectacle as you buzz the tower. The 5.0L V8 engine produces a measely 230 horsepower and breathes though a fake dual exhaust system so there’s no danger of you flying by so fast that everyone talks about an UFO and not your badass American hot rod. In fact, accoring to SCAM (Specialty Car Appreciation Media) those plastic ground effects offically make the Third Gen a Level 10 Ultimate Boss car aka the meanest looking of all Bush-Era muscle cars.

Did we talk about the wing yet? The fantastic plastic monstrosity lets everyone within a four-block radius know that if the Third Gen had any real power under the hood that this redirector of air might actually come in handy. In the meantime, the wing is perfectly suited for showin out ie holding on with both hands while skiiing around parking lots on fast food trays.

I’m not saying you should, I’m just saying you could and if you wore a Canadian Tuxedo while doin so then that would be even more badass. So yeah, the Third Gen is a vibe and that vibe has nothing to do with on-track performance; it’s all the performance that might send you to jail or the nearest emergency room while looking like Dollar General Thor. Sounds like my kinda party!

Some cars are merely transportation while the Third Gen Camaro is a telelportation device capable of sending you to automotive nirvana every time you stab the clutch, drop a gear, and disappear into the sunset. It’s not a car, Man, its a lifestyle full of denim and debauchery.

The 1991 Chevrolet Camaro Z28 once carried a diplomat cross-country in record time to help stop a world war. Who was that diplomat? Ozzy Osborne. How did he help avert catastrophe? Upon exiting the vehicle, he ran immediately to the pool area of a popular Los Angeles hotel. Spotting the lead singer of a local band who was set to leave on a European tour, Ozzy dropped to his knees and snorted a line of sugar ants off the deck of the pool.

The singer immediately called his manager and told him to cancel his upcoming tour. Instead of rocking the UK, he extended his hotel stay and continued getting how-to party lessons from Ozzy.

Who was that singer? Vince Neil. There’s no way Europe could have withstood Vince’ drunkenly forgetting the lyrics to his own songs and a full scale European tour by Motley Crew would most certainly have resulted in a full-scale invasion of Jamaica by England. Mabye. Or maybe it was all just a dream and I should back away from the beer fridge.

Mullets are back and Third Gen Camaro’s are once again cooler than the other side of the pillow. Why buy a car when you can win mine and save your cash for new tires and new denim. With this bad boy in your driveway you’re gonna need both!

The Liberator Hand Truck: Few things in life are as annoying as grabbing an old hand truck to haul a heavy car part only to discover that the tires are flat. Why not win the best hand truck ever concieved by mankind, the Liberator by B&P Manufacturing. Better yet, why not pick from one of three cool color combos from my FSM Garage Gear lineup of themed hand trucks? We’ve got Blasphemi black and gold, Side Chick red and black, and The Elco blue and black color ways and of course, these trucks are made from lightweight and durable aluminum.

The Merch: A large (One dude) scientific study (I asked him one question.) concluded that wearing an autographed Finnegan Speed and Marine trucker hat will increase the chances that someone of the opposite sex will be interested in you.

Paying taxes sucks and while you gotta do it I say hold a little something back from The Man and instead take a shot at fsmgarage.com and maybe you could take home my 1991 Chevrolet Camaro Z28, or a new Liberator aluminum hand truck or some sweet autographed FSM apparel.

Check out the Official Rules for more info.

Here's the gist:
The Promotion begins 12:00 a.m. Pacific Time, March 7, 2025 and 11:59 p.m. PT, April 14, 2025.

Open to legal residents of the 48 contiguous United States of America and the District of Columbia , who are eighteen (18) years of age or older (must be 19 years of age or older for those that reside in the states of Alabama, Nebraska, and 21 years of age or older in state of Mississippi) as of the date of entry

Items purchased during the time period count towards entry. There's also a Mail-In Entry Method (check the official rules for details).

Winners will be randomly selected.

1 - Grand Prize Winner - Mike Finnegan’s 1991 Chevrolet Camaro Z28
3 - Second Prize Winners - each awarded a Liberator Hand Cart
6 - Third Prize Winners - each receive an autographed hat

That's ten (10) total winners.

Check the Official Rules for more details.